4 words: hood of his car
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
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