The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
