Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I wear drunk well.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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