There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I can't put those talents on a resume
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
