I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
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