saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
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