Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
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