I heard we made out
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
not ubering you a puppy
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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