Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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