does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
