Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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