i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
another moral hangover. fuck.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
