I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
