Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
