at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
