saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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