I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
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