Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
