I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
