Just mADE A PArabola og urine
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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