Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
At least life still wants to fuck me.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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