are you so shy because you have an std?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
you never un-have a 4some
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
