How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
