Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
please don't ironically join a cult
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