Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
