There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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