Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
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i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
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Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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