There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
