omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
