in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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