I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
