your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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