i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
