I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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