i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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