the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
