That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
