Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
