Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Randomize