I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
