i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i love accidental penises.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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