Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
