Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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