honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
