the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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