I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
