Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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