sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
