the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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