Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Use "feeling words"
Yay
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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