so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
