Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
