While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Randomize
