Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
