I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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