i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
