shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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