i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
operation harelip BJ is a go
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
