The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
