I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
