Who wears a wallet chain?!
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
