don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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