I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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