but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
