Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
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The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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