I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
