Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
