Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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