Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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