im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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