my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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