she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
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