I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
