Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
