Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
