I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Someone came in the potted fern
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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