I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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