Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
