I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
