I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
