i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Randomize
