I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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