My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
