It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
