My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
