Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Randomize
