the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
