I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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