so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize