I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
